Friday, April 28, 2006
was doing my daily devotions when i came across two devotions that really answered what i was looking for. was talking to mel for awhile just now.. and was undergoing some dilemma. but God is good when He answered me through my devotions.
When we make our calculations, do we factor in grace? Where are we discouraged because we don’t believe God will provide? What puny loaves and fishes can we place in God’s hands? Where could inspired imagination show us a whole new path? - The Word Among Us
The true test of abandonment or surrender is in refusing to say, "Well, what about this?" Beware of your own ideas and speculations. The moment you allow yourself to think, "What about this?" you show that you have not surrendered and that you do not really trust God. But once you do surrender, you will no longer think about what God is going to do. Abandonment means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions. - My Utmost For His Highest
for everything that i have been wondering and debating within myself for. thank you Lord. now i noe, to leave You to do Your miracles in my life. enough of me trying to do things for myself. its Your turn to do things for me. and i just go on doing what You have called me to do as a student, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend. the rest i shall just leave it in Your hands. for Lord you said its not just my battle but Yours as well.
"Lord, I'm used to taking care of myself and others. Help me to recognize my limitations. Open my eyes to your grace and to the unusual ways you want to lead me."
steph craptaculated at
1:33:00 PM
anyway. i was reading fel's blog and she was commenting about the "species called men" as i quote from her blog. andddddd yes i totally agree. sometimes they just do the weirdest things. likeee how they cant just dammit make up their mind. and how they cant just be nice people and stop hurting the people around them. and how they should just be gentlemen. i think the world has a lack of gentlemen. i think they went extinct in fact. all that are left are nothing good. ok maybe im wrong but not one guy has proven me wrong yet. sadly. everytime i think that hey maybe they're not that extinct after all, reality will hit me straight in my face and tell me that noooo they're really nothing good. maybe a few. teeeny weeeny few ya. like my daddy and my korkor and my ge. and ya maybe the css guys. but other than that. hardly. hah. sad isnt it. and i know this is gonna raise lotsa comments from guys. haha oops. hee
well. guys always comment they dunno wad girls are thinking. but i think guys are just as bad. i have seen guys that pms worse than girls. i swear. they seriously pms also. and they claim that they cant stand girls pms-ing. and look, they're actually pms-ing. gee. and sometimes its really tough figuring out wad guys are thinking about. wad men are thinking. no wonder "the men just dont get it". hahah how very true. how very true. ok die. i think all the guys reading my blog all getting damn offended now. haha sorry sorry. dont mean to sound so offensive. but heyy you all gotta agree with me wad! haha (: heee. but yeah. i guess thats why they say "men are from mars and women are from venus" not only are we different anatomically but always emotionally and mentally.
you know. i always tell people around me. if i ever get married rite, i want my husband to be like my daddy. my daddy is the nicest guy around seriously. he may be flawed also and has his crazy analogies and thoughts about how things should be and can be super strict and all. but my daddy loves my mummy alot. the way my daddy treats my mummy is really how a man should treat his woman. he's really super nice to my mom lorh. its those kind that you'll go "awwww" when you see how he treats my mom. yeah. no daddy-like man no marriage. hahaha im killing myself and limiting the guys around. but hey. my dad set the standards man. hahah i love my daddy. grins.
im quite amazed at how my parents make their marriage work out. like my parents are superly different. talk about being opposites man. im not sure wad their common interests are actually. not much. maybe mahjong. hahaha. but yeah not much common interests. but yet they actually make things work out. and brought up 3 kids. of course, their marriage hasnt been a bed of roses. and of course they have fought like cats and dogs. but they're still happy together and married. i guess its really about how much both want to make it work. you can have two different people together. but yet they love each other dearly. and want to make it work. and of course, for us catholics, its also about putting God in the centre of your relationship. because its only when we put God in the centre of our relationship that things actually start working out. because every good and bad that comes along, God knows. and you lift up these goods and bads to Him and ask Him for guidance. He never said that love and life are a bed of roses. but what matters is that we try and that we put Him in the centre of it.
i realised how important it is to get a good boyfriend that shares the same faith as you. if you're a christian, its better to get a christian boyfriend. if you're catholic, get a good catholic boyfriend. of course not saying that you shouldnt get a boyfriend thats of different faith la. but just that its better. cos at least you all dont come in conflict over the issue of faith. and both of you can grow together in faith and in your relationship. maybe it matters more to me because of my faith. i wanna be able to share my faith with my special someone. and go for mass together. pray together. partake in God's wonderful mystery of the eucharist and listen to His word together. and of course, grow in the relationship together with God as a couple. doesnt it sound good? to me it does. but a lil idealist. but i believe its possible. i just have to wait. because big guy up there has a plan for me. -nods- yes. a plan. i just need to be patient.
long entry. -frowns- my entries are getting longer. makes me wonder why.
steph craptaculated at
12:27:00 PM
Thursday, April 27, 2006
steph craptaculated at
10:33:00 PM
printing lecture notes now. realised that it has been the trend nowadays. printing the lect notes only before the exam itself to study. bahh not a very good sign eh. sigh its not gonna happen next sem. nope nope. but i never learn do i?
had a fulfilling day today. woke up early 930am(considered to be early since i dont usually wake up that early when im staying home the whole day) and i watched tv the entire morning and afternoon. talk about a slacker's life man. and i still have one more paper to go. rarr but well. im contented. was a nice deserving rest after yesterday's crazzy and chaotic rush. had two papers back to back on the same day. talk about brain saturation man. by the time i was into the first hour of my second paper, i felt like dying. felt so sick. the flu-like kinda feeling. headache bodyache and just the sick feeling. luckily i was doing my bahasa paper and not my history paper. if not i can just cry. bahasa 30% history 50%. yeah so go figure. but im just superly glad that its over. and that i have one last paper to go. ahhh cant wait cant wait. four down and one last one to go.
think this hols would be somewhat empty. sigh may-june is still fine with foc planning. another mad hectic schedule im expecting. but after that.. its a different story all together. i should go find myself some one month job. earn abit of money and keep myself occupied. if not ill really rot at home. worse still, i cant not do anything. very bad habit i know. but i guess i really like a busy schedule. better busy than being too free. crazy huh.
heard some terrible bitching from a good friend from the choir. yucks i cant stand people being hypocritical. seriously. dont like just tell straight that you dont like. dont be a hypocritic and nice in front of us. and criticise us behind our back and think you're damn bloody good by telling us that we're flat and all when hello look at you and tell me whether you should say that to us. and attempt to get close to my friends. really. i mean, stop the hypocritical act.
but yes. i know. God is love. and so, we must attempt to be nice and loving even though they might do these kind of things to us. im trying. i really am. trying very hard to overlook all these. and be nice to them for who they are. but sometimes, it just gets on my nerves when these kind of things happen. and im one person who's not afraid to show or say what i think. just that i must really watch my mouth la. stupid mouth always getting me into trouble.
but okokok. i get the point big guy. ill stop it and be loving. i know you want me to be a loving testimony to Your love. and because im human, and i err easily, its only because with your help and grace, that im able to overcome all these bad influences from the bad guy and become a testimony to Your love. what better way to convince people about Your love except through living example.
talk about internal conflict, dilemma and a conversation with God man. (:
for those of you with papers left.. jia you! big huggie wuggie from steph!
steph craptaculated at
9:35:00 PM
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Angels Brought Me Here
It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces
Walking back into the light
To the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes
My dreams came true
When I found you
I found you
My miracle
If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
And if you can feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here
Standing here before you
Feels like I've been born again
Every breath is your love
Every heartbeat speaks your name
My dreams came true
Right here in front of you
My miracle
If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here
Brought me here to be with you
I'll be forever grateful
(Oh forever grateful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle
If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here
(x 2)
steph craptaculated at
10:22:00 PM
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
ok destressed alr.
hahah. anyway i have two papers tmr back to back and i have no idea why im still blogging even though im starting to panick because i have not finished studying for both the papers tmr. screwed. and you know why im so screwed? because clever steph decided to attempt to download the charmed series yesterday since she was home and so, instead of successfully downloading the series, she ended up reading transcripts of the charmed season instead. how clever. bahhhhh so i simply wasted my time yesterday reading and reading and imagining. thats why i had to cram everything in today.. and even though today's studying was really quite productive but rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i simply wasted yesterday. *tears hair out and starts beating herself up* damn stupid la. grrrrrrrrrrrrr
anyway. been wanting to post up some pictures of foc hot cross bun baking session!
this is the montage that mark did! so nice right? -grins-
the three girls over at mark's place! from left. joanne steph ade!
and the four guys who eventually became really good at baking! from left. jon netto moses(!) mark. hehehe.
cant wait till exams over and all of us are together laughing again! (: i think i need that laughter. rarrrrrrrrrrrr
steph craptaculated at
10:06:00 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2006
bounce bounce bounce
anyone out there?!!!
bounce bounce bounce
rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (ade where are you? we so need to growl together! haha.)
bounce bounce bounce
i think i got an eye infection. stupid me. should not have been vain and worn my contacts today. stupid.
bounce bounce bounce
9 more days to freedom!
bounce bounce bounce
i wanna go ktv i wanna go beach i wanna sing i wanna go out with ten thousand people i miss loi i miss fia i miss dionne i miss adel i miss mel i miss i miss i miss.. aiyah everyone la i wanna go mark's place and movie marathon with the rest of the gang i wanna go bintan in july i wanna have a good foc in july i hope there will be lotsa lotsa freshies coming for camp i hope the planning would be fine i hope foc would be successful i hope everyone will enjoy themselves i hope i hope i hope i wanna go shopping i wanna go watch alot alot of movies i wanna go back and visit bossie i wanna sing with daaaa i wanna sleep i wanna eat i wanna cook i wanna learn to cook i wanna eat crabs i wanna eat fondue again i wanna i wanna..
bounce fades..
good night everyone.
steph craptaculated at
9:36:00 PM
i wonder whether you read my blog at all. sometimes i wish you do. sometimes i wish you dont. but ultimately. at this point in time, i hope you're reading it. not because i wanna make you feel bad or anything but rather, i just realised how horrid i have been.
about being a bloody bitch and not understanding the pressures that you've been facing.. im sorry
about how i failed you.. im sorry
about how i've never actually been there for you.. im sorry
about the many things i regret doing.. im sorry
i know you'll tell me that there's nothing to be sorry about and nothing to regret about. but maybe being apologetic about something is good? it helps in the process of wanting to say sorry and repent and make up for it. it helps in the process of recognising the wrong that has been done and the want to change that. i guess i tried to very hard to be the person i thought i was and the person i hoped you wanted me to be. and i thought i was that person. but im just really useless and flawed. i always told you that im very very flawed. too flawed for any good things to happen to me. good things usually dont happen to me. im already blessed enough to have better things happening to me. i wonder all the time why things have changed so much and so drastically. i wished they never did. i wonder why things stopped after awhile. was it because in the end you got sick of it? was it because everything changed? i wanna know and yet im not sure whether i will be able to take the answer.
i've been fine you know. about everything. its just times like this that i feel terribly flawed again. and i know you're about the few people that knows all these flaws. because im just a terribly good actress in front of everyone. and having the supernatural ability to hide all these flaws from everyone. im just sorry you had to see it. i wish you never had to see them.
steph craptaculated at
8:48:00 PM
i think im in love again! hahah. with my dad's new phone! (bet i gave you all a fright!) hahah he bought the sony ericsson w800i (the walkman phone). wahlao super cool lorh! hahah. absolutely love the sharpness of the images captured by the camera and the ability to play mp3 files on the phone and the huge memory space in the phone. i want that phone too! haha. and moses, i know you're going to say of course its good cos its your phone! hahaha. grins
but yeah. we took lotsa nice pictures today on the daddy's phone. hee so exciting lor. hehe.
the thing is that im super super tired now. really feel like going to sleep already. but its still early. feels weird to sleep now. shrugs
oh i think my contacts are contaminated leh. crap. i have bloodshot eyes after wearing my current pair of contacts and my eyes hurt. sighh and that's my last pair of contacts lor. which means i need to buy new pairs. and means ill have lesser savings this month since my contacts are super ex. and im earning much lesser this time cos i took leave to study. which means i cant go out and spend money as much because i dont have much to spare next month. sighhhhh where is all the money in the world man?! ah i know. everyone should start saving $1 a day for the lets-give-steph-money fund. hahah. joking joking. (:
anyway. i think ill go rest. feeling really really tired now. and tmr's gonna be a looooong day again. sigh.
9 more days to freedom. i cant wait.
steph craptaculated at
8:31:00 PM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
oh goodness. i just heard a really lame joke on class95. shortfart apparently had a joke for glenn. and the joke was "why cant you tell jokes to an egg?". "you cant tell jokes to eggs because it'll crack up." wahlao super lame la. hahah
anyway. paper at 1pm. i should get started on my studies. rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
steph craptaculated at
8:24:00 AM
Friday, April 21, 2006
was reading jon's blog. and he was saying something about being nice. about how being nice is possible for a short-term problem. but how many people can actually be nice about it for a long time? about someone calling you up to talk about their problems that seems to never end. its really difficult then, to be nice and actually not feel irritated or bugged or that the person is simply clinging on to you. i just think maybe i make people feel this way. but anyway its just rambles. ignore this part.
i think im just tired after all that time spent in the library mulling over my trials essays deadlines and tests. and now, im just stressed over exams.
ill be fine. really. i always end up fine, dont i?
steph craptaculated at
9:50:00 PM
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Sometimes when we're asked to serve the Lord in a particular way, we reluctantly accept, but we do so only out of a sense of obligation. When that happens, we need to pray for a willing spirit so that we can "serve the Lord with gladness" (Psalm 100:2). —Paul Van Gorder
thought it was very true.. that many a time things dont turn out the way we want it to turn out.. or that we have to do something against what we want.. but we still do it because it's God's will to be lived out and not ours. never easy and seems stupid in the eyes of others looking in. but well, one thing i have been taught again and again is that it's never easy to pick up our cross and follow Him. and that well, God has a plan and its not something that we humans can understand at that point. so well, before i head back to my studies.. i would love to leave this quote with everyone reading this post.
A willing spirit changes the drudgery of duty into a labor of love.
how very true.
steph craptaculated at
1:26:00 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
finally 40 days of meat abstinance is over. heh. been a good abstinance.. experience that i'll remember (: and well, now we know its not easy to give up something you like.. next lent it's going to be something more challenging i hope.. for me at least. to sacrifice more during lent would prob make easter more memorable.
choir was nobbad today i guess. haha was on a high after mass. dont know why though. heh. but yeah. studying was ok besides the fact that i wished i had done more.. and probably i would have done more if i had gone to school to study. but ah well, its over la so ill just have to work harder tmr. but thankyou adeline mark moses and marilyn for your company today. it has been great.
i have disgusting eyebags and dark circles. no matter how much i sleep its still there and its really ugly. i look super terrible now. yuck. i better get rid of it after exams man. can't wait for exams to end. cant wait. so much to do.
had a very interesting encounter yesterday. haha. but a little freaky. kinda not ready for it also.
i neeeeddddaaaaa studyyyy. bahhhhhhhhh
steph craptaculated at
11:04:00 PM
Monday, April 10, 2006
steph craptaculated at
9:36:00 PM
about the love that i feel from the css community.
about the care, concern and attention that i get from them that i dont get elsewhere
about the many friends that i've gained this semester
about how screwed up this semester has been
about how adeline is such a wonderful sweetheart
about how moses never fails to crack us up and brighten our day
about how i guess i should just lean on God instead of my own understanding
about how daniel has been such a wonderful friend, being there for me all the time
about how melissa has been a sweetheart and that she's the best friend anyone can have
about how cg never fails to be an inspiration from God
about how css always makes me happy
about how i still miss the way things were although i know its for the better now
about how i miss the presence of a person
about how i wanna really get to know God better
about how appreciative i am of all those wonderful people that helped me through this sem
about how stressed i am now about work
about how i really wanna study but somehow everything crops up and i wish i would just leave it to God to provide
about how i cant wait for exams to be over
about the plans that ive made after the exams
about the many many people in my life that i miss : adel dionne loi fia kor saha
about how i hope and wish that my auntie would recover soon especially since she's been in the hospital for months.
about love
about missing
about me
steph craptaculated at
8:21:00 PM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
steph craptaculated at
10:47:00 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
steph craptaculated at
10:23:00 PM
Monday, April 03, 2006
v for vendetta on saturday was not bad. i did have fun and the movie was quite good. just a little heavy considering i just finished one month worth of datelines. but yup. thoroughly enjoyed myself. just apologetic that i had to leave early because i was really tired. long day at work.
hm but yeah. im really beginning to enjoy teaching my primary school kids though. they're really lovable although i can get real mad at them sometimes. but i honestly love seeing them laugh and squirming and wanting to get my attention. haha.
thoughts about more css responsiblities and commitments next year coming ahead at me again. just aint sure what the big guy wants. and what i can cope.
sigh. i need to sleep. honestly need to. was planning to sleep once i reach home which is now. but now, i gotta finish some draft to let my project mate compile and collate by tmr afternoon. which means finishing it tonight. sigh. and i wanna follow papa ong to work, meaning i gotta wake by 645. sighhh.
i cannot wait for exams to be over.
plans for after exams:
- movie marathon at mark's place!
- ktv with the arts pple
- ktv with the foc main com
- black pepper crabs with foc main com
- shopping! whheee!
- movies movies movies! theres x3, pirates of caribbean 2 etc!
- plan arts retreat
- plan foc
- foc outreach
- go out with adel and mel!
- budakkkkkkk-ing!
- meet up with loi and da
- meet up with fia
- meet up with saha
- exercise regime!
- food hunntttt with arts pple!
- and our trip out! yay!!
hahaha. and many more! i honestly cannot wait! wheeee.
but before all that, its mugging studying mugging studying mugging studying.
it just doesnt end. sigh
steph craptaculated at
9:46:00 PM
