Wednesday, March 31, 2004
sometimes i wonder why i even bother meeting up with ppl.hai.today was absolutely not memorable.ok fine.i gotta meet up with ppl i havent seen for a long time.but.it was not fun.i was so depressed i think im in depression.as in seriously.i think im suffering frm depression.dun ask me why.u noe.i wonder to myself why he's actually my best friend.cos he didnt seem to realise tt the whole time i was depressed.maybe nehneh is more impt to him den i am la.dunno la.he like gets to see her everyday.and me? i hardly get to see him.ok maybe im jealous.but i think i have a right to be.cos he's my best friend? and i hardly see him arnd at all.i hardly talk to him too.and its hardly tt i even meet him.and im miserable.sucks.dunno la.another depressing day.
but M.I's investiture was nice.dun regret going there.they quite nice ppl.yeah as in the council la.quite friendly ppl.siao siao kind also.i think i made a fool out of myself there.yeah but heck.i had fun.yeah.
sian.dun feel like studying again.bah
steph craptaculated at
7:38:00 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
bah.another one of those depressing entries.sheesh
no.1 i think ppl shld jus stop talking and spreading unnecessary rumours..sheesh cant girls and guys be close? bah.not tht im pissed or wad..im in fact amused by it..but jus stop it la.
no.2 class today was different..quieter without
maisie and meiyan..and it just feels different la.the class is smaller.definitely smaller.sigh
no.3 wads with everyone and thinking.can everyone jus stop thinking.sometimes thinking abt certain things makes the thing worse than ever before.its like just stop thinking la.ok fine.thts wad everyone tells me not to do.im the thinker here? think 24/7 one.
adel shld noe.hai.dun think la.wadever tht happens..let it happen la.sian.
no.4 i hope pple realised tht im only human and i make mistakes also.and i get frustrated.and i lose focus.pls dun see me as a saint.cos im only human.bahhhhhh
sheeshhhhhhh.damn frustrated now.bahh
dan..take care k.thanks for tt note.at least u care..but hey.u're stronger than me..and will always be stronger than me.hugs.love u big bro.
steph craptaculated at
11:13:00 PM
Monday, March 29, 2004
i swear having ppl to leave u is damn argh.feeling frustrated la.bahhh plus.i dun feel like doing my work.im
struggling.
steph craptaculated at
11:41:00 PM
hai.another of those mixed feelings days.well...
meiyan and maisie have officially withdrawn of college.glad tht they have finally found wad they wanted to do and all..but im gonna missed the two loud-hailers in my class..t08 will nvr be the same without
maisie's rubbish..her laughter..her 'kai, i need to shit'..her 'ben tan'..her laughing like a horse..just her..and
meiyan's laughter..her amusing antics..her laughing at every other things..my sitting partner..my toilet partner..my friend.im going to miss them loads.i didnt even attend a full day of lessons with them lor.orientation.bah.and they're gone.just like tt.i dunno how to attend lessons without them tml.tts if im better and able to go to sch la.hai.no
meiyan no
maisie..hai.wads my school life coming to.im going to feel lost and left-out again.all the ppl in class close to me all left..first it was
adel..now
maisie and meiyan.im going to be
alone again.wads new.bah.oh plus im sick.bah had a temperature of 38.1 at like 7pm.sian.
well.good thing is tht i had a gossiping session with
jilun, jeremy and andrea during pe.hah was damn funny talking to them..didnt noe
jilun can talk tt much..
andrea was as usual blur.haha but yeah.was fun.had fun then la.
im still going to miss tht two blobs.hai.
steph craptaculated at
9:06:00 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
orientation pics
steph craptaculated at
11:27:00 PM
Friday, March 26, 2004
hmm.today marks the day of the end of orientation..and i have really mixed feelings..its like..im glad its finally over..cos i've been damn stressed during this period..but im also going to miss everyone..esp the facils..ok maybe not all of them..but most of them..thru this o2 i got to noe alot of ppl..and got closer to alot of those i knew already..so its really these kind of mixed feelings inside of me..love my j1 class to bits.t12..lovely ppl..really.the girls are damn sweet.noe after finale..they cheered for me..as in they gave me 3 cheers..i was damn touched..cos no one has ever done it for me before..damn touched..yeah and well good things happend but yet again bad things happen la..dunno la.sometimes i jus refuse to think abt it.cos i dun think its possible la.talking nonsense again.but yeah.youth park was fun..as usual..=) left for home with
rena, andy, sufyan and jilun and in the end
jilun was really sweet and sent me home..haha but then again i asked him to..haha so..but i always ask pple to send me home..=) heh.oops.but ya.quite fun talking to him also la..he and
jeremy same clique one.and same pattern somemore.biang.haha quite funny.=) well..im dead tired now..but i had fun today.and stupid me brought my cam to sch..but i thought i didnt bring so i didnt take photos today.stupid rite.sigh.why does it jus have to be me..? haha.=) oh well.tml got to go back sch clean up council rm lor.sigh.at least tts better den having detention for smth i didnt even noe wad was going on..*shrugs* oh well.now o2 ended le..it means full gear studying le.hai.good luck steph.
steph craptaculated at
11:56:00 PM
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
tired.thts all i can say.orientation is tiring me out real bad..and its not just me.all the facils are feeling the strain.phew..o2 is more tiring den o1 man..guess its prob cos we are short of manpower..yeah.hai oh well.o2 has been ok la..real tiring..but ok..of course o1 was better..*shrugs* oh well.just hoping tt tml's outdoor activities will be fun..yeah.=)
wondering how im going to catch up with all my work..sigh.
steph craptaculated at
8:22:00 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2004
hmmm i guess my day today is one of the better days in a loong time.yeah.well started the day really well..
*smiles* and i ended the day quite well too..met my darling seniors..! heh.missed all of them like siao.yeah met alot of them at
trina's place..=) happy day.plus it ended quite well too..
*smiles
wah.o2..arghh!
steph craptaculated at
1:21:00 AM
Friday, March 19, 2004
am i jus too busy or am i just a screwed up bitch? sucks.
steph craptaculated at
11:44:00 PM
went out for a council turned personal outing..hah only 6 of us turned up..
halima siang ping mel des alan and myself went to k-box and sang our guts out.haha was fun la.i had to admit.though i wld rather stay home and finish up my ever-piling work..sigh.oh well.school's reopening le.somehow i cant wait.dun ask me why.not tt i dowan to slack at home..cos term 2 is going to be super duper hectic..i really gotta start studyin nxt term...and study really hard.so i also dunno la.i really hope o2 will be fun.youth park will be great also.=) dunno la.hopefully things will be fine la.lala.
study study study and
dun think!!
steph craptaculated at
10:30:00 PM
Thursday, March 18, 2004
sian.i have smth to say..
many things are not what they always seem to be
steph craptaculated at
10:51:00 PM
hmmm.havent blogged for the past few days..was busy with facil training..den by the time i reached home i was dead beat...yea newae..facil training had been ok i guess..this bunch of facils were different frm o1 facils..o1 facils were still more fun den o2..but i guess this bunch aint tt bad la..quite a no of nice ppl..today went to kallang beach to try out the problem-solving games..i have to say its nobbad..really team building man..=) den went out with the rest of them to ps for dinner...got caught in the rain cos it was pouring over at kallang...den
halima, aaron, marcus and myself left for home..in the end
marcus and i ended up at starbucks in tp talking..was rather fun talkin to him though he cracks the lamest jokes..heh but yea..=) oh well.hopefully o2 wld be as good as o1 was la.cos i miss alot of the o1 facils..sigh.oh well.i miss the seniors the most.okok ill stop here.
sch's reopening le..and i havent started on anythin yet.im screwed man.i really better start studyin.stupid grades like mine wont bring me to anywhere.sheesh i really need to start studying.and fast.sigh.
steph craptaculated at
9:58:00 PM
Monday, March 15, 2004
just got back frm the expedition.my legs and hands and shoulders are aching like no one's business.knee's hurting.too much pressure applied on my knee while climbing up the mountain.im dead tired.super duper duper tired.have terrible eyebags.blue-blacks and cuts frm climbing.a few unhappy occasions.
but other than these.i had a wonderful time up at the waterfalls.=)
the trip was so memorable i dunno where to start.let me start frm the very beginning..left spore abt 1030 or so..took a coach all the way to pahang in msia..and ate our breakfast at this small lil coffee shop beside the road at 6am..from there we took two lorries up to the base of jerankang waterfalls..set up our base camp after walking deeper into the jungle..and we started our journey up the mountain at abt 1030am..my grp was the last grp to ascend the mountain..it was damn tiring.but fun..=) wldnt have made it thru without
max and des..thanks for ur help yea? =) reached the second highest waterfall at abt 1145-12..and we played in the waterfall..=) it was damn fun.=) hee.after which we scaled to the top of the mountain where the highest waterfall is..there we settled down and four of us started cooking lunch..didnt get to play there though..sad cos i wanted to..but nvm la..oh well.bobian.yeah we were there till abt 3..started scaling down only at 315 or so..this time my grp was first to go down..did a switch..and the instructors were asking who slip and fall the most number of times to go to the front..and
adel and i ended up in the front of the entire grp..haha was quite fun scaling down behind both instructors..
wai hong and justin..funny ppl..and rather nice also=) jus tt
justin suans abit too much.=) but heh.yeahh oh btw both my mom's shoes tt i wore to trek fell apart..as in the soles came off and everythin jus started coming out.haha was damn funny.tts why i cldnt trek fast and kept slipping.cos my shoes didnt have any grip at all.and the ground was really muddy and slippery.yeah reached base camp at abt 6+..went to wash up at the waterfall near the base camp..(there are lots and lots of waterfalls arnd the entire mountain) by dinner we were literally shagged.seriously damn tired.went star-gazing at the waterfall too.laid on the rock and star-gazed.i swear tt was the prettiest sight i've ever seen in my entire life.the stars were plentiful.absolutely beautiful.and at tt pt..i wished i had a special someone beside me.jus tt i dun even have anyone i like.bah.sucks.oh well.but the view was so beautiful and we were so tired that we all fell asleep on the rocks.ahha quite cute.in the end we decided to go back to our tents.found the whole grp of them inside
adel and mine tent..den we all started playing zhong ji mi ma..hehe quite fun la.but all were really tired.and we ended up slping at 1030 or so.woke up the nxt day at 7 cos stupid
justin(not the instructor) woke my entire tent up..yeahh left the campsite at abt 1110 for the lorries to bring us back to the lil coffee shop tt we ate pur breakfast at..to await our coach..yeah the ride to the lil coffeeshop this time was super bumpy and we reached the place only at 1245 or so..waited till 330 for the coach lor.wah we were like slping at the coffeeshop lor.bleh tired.den started our journey back to spore..in the bus they were like singing non-stop la.haha=) fun..though got unhappy clashes..but i guess it was cos we were all jus plain tired.yeahh
to all 26 of the nyaa jerankang waterfalls expedition ppl.. i had fun! =) really.it was really nice noeing alot of u..laughing and singing on the bus..talking on the lorry..=) i noe i actually mentioned when we were up on the mountain tt i cant wait to be back in spore..but now tt im back..i kinda miss u all and the times we had together..take care k u ppl.=) and thanks for making my trip enjoyable and memorable..=)
yeah.sorry if my english and words sounds funny here.cos im super dead tired now.cant slp yet cos my hair is wet.jus bathed la.i didnt bathe for 2 whole days lor.yuck.feel damn fresh now.=) oh well.hectic wk coming up..though its the hols..hopefully i can rest and start on my work tml..=)
steph craptaculated at
2:52:00 AM
Friday, March 12, 2004
ltr on in the day im going to jerankang le..feeling actually quite excited.=) lala.pray for me k everyone.and wish me luck!
steph craptaculated at
1:06:00 AM
Reuben, 03/11/2004:
Hey mei mei .. this is YA testimonial after like a super duper long time la.. haha.. eh i am finally coming onto frenster just to write u a testimonial ok! so be happy ah! haha.. errr.. oh wells got to noe this real nice girl last yr during 1st 3 months cjc.. my my did we cliche.. she was the closest fren i had in cjc fer the 1st 3 months.. all the times in lects where i wld tok cock n all she wld do is laugh and get my ass into trouble. oh wells.. haha .. fate has it tht i came into cjc again .. and we are in the same class again!! haha.. shes really always there fer me. somehow she nvr fails to try n cheer sm1 up whenever sm1s down. shes really so so so self sacrificial. a v good wife next time i haf to say! but oh wells shes too gd fer me la. i pale in comparison as to her looks. she can somehow attract lotsa attention frm guys ya? dunno how she does it also. . . . haha. =p its been really great gettin to noe her. we will be in contact 4eva ya ? mei mei =) heh.. oh wells .. thanks fer keep remindin me to do this k .. hhaha. but anyways.. we will tok sometime k.. all the best.. love reubs~
my absolutely sweet kor wrote this for my testimonial..i swear i love my kor to bits.he's damn sweet! =) grins.
steph craptaculated at
1:04:00 AM
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
dong dong dong.u noe wad i jus realised.gee
dan im becoming like u.u wld noe wad im talking abt.shit.bad man.i dowan to be a loner.i dun wanna be alone and by myself..i miss the old me.but i seem to be a loner nowadays..i dunno why.sometimes i feel like jus smacking some ppl on their face telling them to wake up.sheesh cant they jus realise tt things are good for them? not tht im complaining abt anythin cept being a loner..ok before everyone gets the wrong impression..im not complaining abt having no bf.bah i cant be bothered.its some other stuff yea.gee i guess im jus going thru this whole period of self-discovery blahblahblah.aiya dunno la.sometimes i wish i didnt noe so much.sometimes i wish i didnt have to do God's will..cos its tiring.now i understand like maybe a tenth of wad Jesus went thru...doing God's will is tiring.im tired.hai dunno la.well this is my blog.i write wad i wanna write and wad i think and wad i feel.cant be bothered abt wad others think.i shld start standing on my own two feet.hai maybe i shld do alot of things..but i noe ill end up not doing all of it..cos i cant bear to do it..i feel bad.aiya dunno la.sometimes some ppl shld jus read and forget abt wad i write here..some pple shld bother..dunno la.after all im uttering rubbish.so lalala.well im fine..jus going thru a bad period in life..hopefully things will pick up soon.cos im tired of it.yeah.very tired of it.
steph craptaculated at
12:17:00 AM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
All By Myself - Celine Dion
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone
everything's true in my case cept the first and second last paragraph..
steph craptaculated at
10:48:00 PM
love this song.but i really dun wanna be
all by myself anymore.
steph craptaculated at
7:21:00 PM
yeah.thanks everyone for leaving lovely notes and asking abt me..=) now preparing for o2 and also for the expedition to jerankang waterfalls..actually quite excited abt it..ppl who are going are rather nice..hope everyone enjoys themselves during the trip..=) yeah.other than tht nth much in sch..got B4 for chinese..hahah and DIST for my oral la.siao liao.wad is the world coming to man.haha glad la.can drop! hahah.yeah but im so going to be more hardworking now.scared le.after CTs and after seeing the seniors receive their A lvl results..i swear tt day i was damn traumatised.yeah so im going to study hard.jus hope i dun lose steam.yeah.tts my only worry.oh well.newae im looking forward to the expedition.=)
steph craptaculated at
6:08:00 PM
Saturday, March 06, 2004
jus read
flea's blog..and i feel worse than ever before.dun worry
flea..its not anythin u said..but more i agree with alot of things u said..dunno la.sometimes i wonder whether pple care..its like how is it tt some ppl jus dun show the same kind of concern i show to them...i can feel also..i may be strong..but i can break also..i noe im a darn good actress.(can act in mediacorp kind) but sometimes caring a lil is all i ask for..not asking for anythin cos i dun expect anythin in return when i help ppl..cos i like helping ppl..but when im at my lowest and lousiest..ppl are never there for me..my so-called best friend isnt exactly my best friend at all..ok la..i may have been a bitch last time but i've always been there for him..or at least i try my very best to..and when i feel lousy..he doesnt even bother calling back..even talking online..replies come super late cos he's busy talkin to others or busy doing other stuff..sometimes i really wonder why i even bother being nice and all..sometimes i wonder whether its worth it..i noe its God's will abt alot of things..and i shldnt do it thru my own ways..but i cant help but feel this way..and then he comes and tells me tt he's pissed off with me..aiya dunno la.lousy feeling.shit.
will be fine tml.i think i shld go slp now.bah
steph craptaculated at
12:22:00 AM
sigh.ok im in tt mood again.tt pms plus depressed and sad and tired mood.maybe i shld go and slp.shit.feel damn freaking lousy.i swear i feel damn lousy.dunno la.feel pathetic.really really pathetic and all.sigh stupid me.can nvr do anythin right.aiya dunno la.sometimes i wish there was someone who can understand me..talk to me listen to me and understand me.but there isnt anyone who can do tt.no one.i wish someone cld tell me wad to do.i dunno wad to do.i feel so lost.i feel so lousy.i feel like im not worth anythin at all.pathetic u noe.dunno la.wadever la.feel like shit la.bahh
will be fine tml morning.after i slp.
steph craptaculated at
12:10:00 AM
