Tuesday, October 28, 2003
hmm i think i have the symptoms of depression without realising it leh.firstly i've been experiencing alot of these crying sessions..and my hands and my brain dont coordinate..as in my hand writes/types something else frm wad my brain thinks.dunno also la.saw it in the commercial.had a few of the symptoms.esp the hand and brain coordination one.its becomin quite bad.den one of my 'uncles' said i may be suffering frm light bouts of depression without realising it..dunno.quite worried.gee
steph craptaculated at
9:29:00 PM
hmmm been lazy to update since i returned frm the retreat.well i enjoyed myself at the retreat..learnt alot of stuff..and it was spiritually fun.i wld rather spend 3 days in retreat den spend 3 days out with my frens..=) i gotta experience the Holy Spirit and all.gee i was touched by God's love.and the Youth Praise Ministry(YPM) rocks man.hahah i love the praise and worship sessions! =) grins.yea
got my results back.didnt do as well as i thought.i mean ok la.i didnt do tht badly..but i cld have done better.and i gotta do supp paper la.gee failed my stupid hist.sigh oh well.yea but aiya nvm la.study study lor.oh well.
sigh.im getting abit sick and sian of this blogging stuff.till then.=)
steph craptaculated at
9:24:00 PM
Thursday, October 23, 2003
sigh.today was the j2's grad day.was damn sad.i almost made it thru the day without crying.until
dennis came over and started singing a goodbye song to me.after tt i jus started weeping.he did it on purpose la.gee he jus wants to see me cry..heh irritating man.sigh but im really gonna miss the j2s..took alot of photos though..go chk..i uploaded some le..=) thanks
jiang for the photos..i kop frm ur there first=)
went to recce marina mandarin after grad day..pract rushed there..ok la e place not tt bad la.hmmm were planning m&s and all..plus the progm..wahlao this yr got no food-tastin lor.damn sad.gee den in the end we only ate lunch at 4? i was so hungry until i had no appetite to eat.amazing rite.but i was damn thirsty..busy for one whole day without water man.gee oh well.but yea..
sigh.im really gonna miss the j2s.im already missing them.sigh tml going for retreat..hope ill enjoy myself and hopefully learn somethin la.=) so everyone else..enjoy urselves this wkend yea..=) take care ppl.ill miss u all.
steph craptaculated at
11:43:00 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
bah.feelin crappy lousy shitty.and super misunderstood.bah sucks.hate this kind of feeling.im gonna miss e j2s.bah
steph craptaculated at
11:17:00 PM
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
hmmm alot of ppl have been commenting abt my font colour..yea i admit its difficult to read..but i cant seem to change it! the light pink fonts in my menu is connected to the entries font colour..i actually tried changing it to a darker colour..but the fonts on my menu cldnt be seen..tts why i told u guys to bear with it..sorry yea.ill try to find a way.=)
steph craptaculated at
10:38:00 PM
sigh.today finished the first aid course..im a certified first-aider! haha.i noe how to perform cpr! haha.eh actually the first aid course was much more interesting than wad i thought it wld be la.hmmm though i was almost nodding off to slp..damn tired la..haha my whole entire row was nodding off lor.rocks.wahah oh well.had grad day rehearsal after that.sigh when i saw the montage i really wanted to cry.im so gonna miss all of them.and i havent prepared their farewell gifts yet.shit.i doubt can make it on time le.jialat.sigh their programme sheet is damn nice! haha.we were all jokin and laughin in the council rm while making their grad day programme sheet.ended sch like super late.i commented to
halim and des mah during grad day rehearsal..that scully(is that how u spell it?) tt day the seniors dun cry i end up crying..wah malu man.sigh oh well.thats jus me la.wahah im not surprised if i end up giving
dennis and the seniors a fright like our pizza hut nite..=) grins.heh im so gonna hold some form of gathering after their As la.i dun care.nxt yr the guys are goin in to army le and ill prob not get to see them for a long time and the girls are prob gonna start workin..and they're no longer gonna be in the council rm making a hell of noise..grins so i dun care.im so gonna hold a gathering.whoever who wants to come.i dun care la.ya grins.
fri retreat.hope i enjoy it.sheesh.
flea!! we need to go ikea and get the stuff! rem????
steph craptaculated at
8:18:00 PM
Monday, October 20, 2003
jus read yan's blog.i think i heard wrongly.i dun think im the one who got B for maths.she's the one tt got B for maths..sigh i happy for nth man.thought all the work i put in for my maths..maybe i can get a B or smth.but i dun think so le.sigh some more damn paiseh.thought its true so i went tellin everyone..ok not everyone la but enough ppl la.sigh im super pms-ing now.feel like going back to e foodfare to study with jiang and sean.somehow i miss studyin.jeez.
steph craptaculated at
11:07:00 PM
today first aid course.hmmm nth much la.quite fun actually.learnt alot though.i noe how to do cpr! =)oh well.but yea.pms-ing.not in those talkin moods.bah yea im fine.jus pms-ing i guess.u noe those one of the dun-feel-like-talkin days..yea.i wanna go to blue moo on the 7th of nov.bah.no one goin with me.dunno who to ask.bah.dunno who wanna go.dunno whether got place.bah.
steph craptaculated at
10:12:00 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2003
wah fine.im seriously so not goin to msg him anymore.aiya i think im really dumb dumb dumb la.just goin to treat him like anyone that comes along.dun care la.idiot.im not goin to msg him anymore.*promise* seriously not goin to care and ill jus leave myself alone.aiya i dun think i wanna like anyone la.except budak! gonna make budak's music my life.yea.jus me and the music.sounds good.hah me music council studies god.sounds even better.no guys.*shakes head* absolutely no guys.cept friends la.as in my da ge ges.and my twinnie.and ppl tt im close to la.if not no guys.not at all.totally not at all.lala i think da will be proud of me.
steph craptaculated at
11:08:00 PM
ahah.today's e 19th! hehe.went to esplanade to watch budak sing.heh well...its budak singing so obviously it rawks rite.but the response over at the esplanade was overwhelming.the queue was so freakin long..if thats not long i dunno wad is.*winks at adel* haha.but yea.managed to squeeze into the concert hall.me yon adel diane mel calvin ended at the circle 3 seats.damn freakin high la.but yea got seats better den none.but damn there were alot of aunties and families with kids and sometimes we wonder whether they even noe wad they're watching or even noe how to appreciate a cappella music or jus goin in jus bcos hey its free and its not everyday tt u're able to go into the esplanade concert hall without having to pay..but wad the heck la.all i noe is that yea budak rocks and the music they produce is absolutely amazing and it totally rocks my world.but they were not as good as tht night in the pavilion..so all of you who went for the pavilion but didnt go for the one today..you guys didnt miss out much stuff! =) wah im damn sad.they didnt sing the 'a-bu-den' song.=( but i met the guys today! =) finally met up with joe..and goodness..his daughter is absolutely adorable!! wahah.damn cute!! =)grins.oh well.now im lookin forward to blue moo.really lookin forward to goin to blue moo to watch them sing.=)
sigh.tml first aid course.8-5.how wonderful rite.sigh
steph craptaculated at
10:10:00 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2003
i've been a pig lately.slept at 630pm last nite.woke up at 730am.amazing rite.i really think im beginnin to be like a pig.and is a pig.sigh i shld change my name frm chicken to pig man.wahah.nonsense la.been out the whole entire day.council meetin.den went out to ikea with
flea and andrea.haha wahhh i absolutely love that place.so many things i wanna buy back! and we are so goin to ikea to buy stuff to decorate the new council rm.grins.lala tml 19th.i wanna go concert.i wanna go out.i wanna bake cookies.i have to bake cookies.aiya nxt wk got retreat..i abit dun feel like goin.oh well.
im bored.
steph craptaculated at
8:51:00 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2003
promos is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahhaha.yay!!! finally! this day has been here.i've long awaited for this day...=) lalalala.but sigh.prob gotta take sub paper.heck.i dowan care liao.let me enjoy myself after mugging and working damn hard for 1 yr la.haha i shall play till judgement day is here! =) grins.
had alot of fun today..=) learnt how to play mahjong! haha.=) hmmm today a gang of noisy ppl came over to my place..haha.=) rocks man.
flea, lao pa, halim, desmond, alan, halima, aaron, siang ping and xiao tong came over to my place..wah bake brownies and watch finding nemo and play zhong ji mi ma..haha and the punishment was to eat ice-cream topped with campbell's cream of chicken and cream of mushroom.haha its really salty sweet taste man...and amidst the ice-cream you can find bits of mushroom and chicken..haha damn gross la.but haha we all ate it in the end.=) grins.den
des, alan and xiao tong stayed behind to play mahjong.wahah play until damn shiok.=) grins.hehe.yea they comin over to play again.hahah hook liao man they.=) den
jiang and sean came over too...ahha=)
yay.i like today.heh.lets not talk abt judgement day and results.lets jus spend this wkend playin and enjoying..=) after all..we did work hard for 1 yr..=)
steph craptaculated at
10:57:00 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
doesnt everyone jus realised that i can get tired of being nice? that its really tiring tryin to be nice and caring abt everyone but myself? i mean sometimes in life one feels neglected and stuff..but doesnt everyone realise that they are not the only ppl feelin this way? that others can also feel it? im not a robot.i have feelings too.and im tired of feeling this way.im tired of being selfless.im really tired.its ok to care for everyone else but at least i get some acknowledgement? u dun havta like me.u dun havta appreciate it.but at least acknowledge it? im only human to feel anyway i wanna feel.im only human to feel this way.and im only human to feel tired.dunno la.u all may think im being stupid and silly and idiotic and ya again in her nonsensical mood swings la.wadever.i havent used that way on myself for a looong time.but really wadever.sucks.i miss melly.i miss dajie.screw it.
steph craptaculated at
9:41:00 PM
argh im in my thinking mood again.can someone jus stop me frm thinking? arghh.i dont wanna think anymore.im tired of thinking.really.it distracts me.takes me away frm my studies.destroys my mood.makes me silly and idiotic.(or at least i think so of myself) it jus makes my mood all haywire.argh i need to learn to shut all these out of my mind.but how? it seems so easy..jus sayin 'hey steph all you havta do is stop thinking' right.like its as easy as everyone says it is.sometimes e more i wanna stop it,e more it doesnt allow me to.and its damn frustrating.u noe.cos i hate feeling like this.i jus wanna feel happy.and not have funny mood swings as everyone calls it.sheesh.
and maybe i shld stop caring abt everyone else and start being really selfish.den maybe ill stop thinking.and maybe not screw up my life and my studies.jus maybe.
steph craptaculated at
9:06:00 PM
jeez.i woke up not long ago.slept at 4 last nite.haha was talkin to silly reuben till den.he's really damn joker man.=) love my kor.grins.yea sigh.ltr must go pia my last day le.tml last paper.pia tml havoc tml.wahaha.i cant wait! =) grins.lalalalala omg.yesterday i had the worst dream ever.
*pukes* yuck.
*shivers* seems like these few days i keep dreaming.at least e other day tt dream wasnt tt bad.in fact it wasnt bad la.but this is really.goodness gracious me.hah oh well.
hahah.
flea!!! tml we're gonna bake cookies!! rawks.haha
steph craptaculated at
2:15:00 PM
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
sheesh man.i swear im beginnin to speak like shiaw yan.
lao pa..you3 qi2 fu4 bi4 you3 qi2 zi3 man.wahahha
steph craptaculated at
11:56:00 PM
I scored a
69% on the "How Singaporean are You?" Quizie!
What about you?
haha.saw this on my friend's page..decided to be boliao n go try.=) ahha.today damn fun!!!
me, jiang, trina, lao pa, anhong, kenneth, sean went to sakae for their buffet there...hahah and we accomplished our quota of
100 plates! hahaha.cool rite.haha i didnt eat much la.more of the guys..haha and lao pa ate like 10 pink plates at one go la.hahah walao eat until wanna puke can.hehe but walao i promise today's the happiest day so far out of my two wks of promos la.=) grins.thurs flea's comin to bake cookies with e rest! woohoo! wahaha.cant wait till thurs..den once thurs comes..sun will come! rocks! hahaha.=) grins.yay.happy.=)
steph craptaculated at
9:22:00 PM
*yawns* jus woke up.stupid nose of mine giving me a hell of problems.stuck and keeps running.argh yay!
*jumps around enthusiastically* sakae!!! woohoo! lalala.yay! heh.cant wait!
jeez.my mom juz called.my silly sister took the wrong bus to sch.also dunno where she is now.dunno whether she noe how to take e correct bus back.sigh i hope my sister is not tt silly la.my mom quite worried that somethin will happen to her..
*prays hard* i hope not.
oh oh oh!!
haha.thurs philene and gang comin over to bake cookies! haha.i
finally have pple to 'celebrate' the ending of my paper with me! haha.
steph craptaculated at
11:52:00 AM
oh oh.heh i noe the words are hard to read.hehe sorry ah.u all try to bear with it ya? =) sorry sorry.i cant seem to change the damn font colour u see..=) heh.oops.=) grins.
steph craptaculated at
2:28:00 AM
phew.finally.walao this html thing's driving me nuts.yea new look.very orangey n pinky.hehe i like.nice nice.pretty pretty.haha jus like me.wahahhaha.=) grins.lalal.hist is over!!
*breathes a sigh of relief* hehehe.but sigh.still got one paper.sigh everyone else finished liao la.haha =) grins.nvm jia you jia you.19th's comin!
*skips arnd* =) grins.
oh btw anyone has mon's streats?? can i have? =)
steph craptaculated at
1:48:00 AM
Sunday, October 12, 2003
somehow i feel that everyone shld give the pple they care abt some form of assurance and affirmation once in a while.its jus human nature to feel low and stupid and silly and like no one cares abt u in this entire earth.its also human nature to have a low self-esteem.not that im sayin this gives self-pity an excuse..but its jus that its jus normal to feel that way sometimes.so everyone shld give the pple they love and care abt some form of appreciation and affirmation..to show that u care for them and love them and appreciate them.that cos of them life for u has change and that they matter to u.if one day they were to not be on this earth anymore..u'll miss them.i guess everyone shld also be more sensitive to everyone's feelings.really.cos sometimes the littlest thing you say may not mean anythin to u but actually means alot to the person.cos there are so many different ways and angles to look at somethin.so dun assume wad u see is wad everyone else is seeing.argh.everyone really shld jus be more sensitive.really.den ppl with super low self-esteem will feel more confident abt themselves..and maybe these pple may be able to rise up to success? dunno.but i believe lil affirmations like 'Lord, thank you for so and so' means alot.
dunno la.maybe its jus me.maybe im the one having the low self-esteem and all.maybe i shld be the one practising wad i preach.and not think was i see is wad everyone is seeing.maybe im jus being more sensitive abt everythin.dunno la.i guess its jus me.pms.
ignore this.thx.
steph craptaculated at
1:37:00 AM
Saturday, October 11, 2003
biang.guess wad.e greatest thing happened to me last nite while i was slpin.it was so great that i jus want to laugh la.stupid.dreamt of him last nite.yes yes all those close to me shld noe who tt him is.sigh.of all ppl!! arghh! im turnin nuts.nono i shall not let myself be affected and all.no i shall keep my cool.doesnt matter to me.i shall not let it affect me.sheeshhhh.
ahhhhhhhh! oh btw
chris..=) u take care of urself k? steph will be here for u too! and if ur darlin bullies u..ill box him up! =) grins.hugs.take care girl.ill visit u at forum=) heh.
hist sucks.
steph craptaculated at
11:06:00 PM
Thursday, October 09, 2003
chris..this entry is jus for u.=)
jus read ur blog..felt so touched after readin..didnt noe i made such impact in ur life..hugs its ok..if you even have the thought of feelin bad for not being arnd for me..hugs im already super super touched.thanks girl.for everythin.=) hope i can see u in one of the churches during nxt yr's maundy thursday church visits! =) hugs dearie.miss ya!
steph craptaculated at
10:46:00 PM
broke down again yesterday.stupid me.cry and cry.nth better to do.sheesh.guess yesterday was a serious case of pms man.cos alex told me jean yeow said that those ppl who attempted en will most likely fail..and im banging on ni and en to pass la.and im so super screwed la.sigh and it didnt help tt i felt tht i cldnt do my maths paper.no confidence.super no confidence last nite.till i called dennis to ask him abt maths..at least dennis helped boost my confidence.or shld i say..he help boost my confidence by alot.really alot.if it wasnt cos of his teachin and all tht belief..i doubt i'd have done ok in today's maths paper.yea maths was ok..quite do-able.shld be able to get B if nth goes wrong..but im still hopin for an A.after all ill prob screw jean yeow's paper up.so better get A for maths.oh well.yay tml no paper.im happy.but stress man.still must study for rajoo.stress.must do super well for rajoo's paper to pass man.sheesh.oh well.cant wait for 19th.really cant wait.
steph craptaculated at
10:39:00 PM
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
hmmm feelin real thoughtful now.not so much depressed and upset.more thoughtful.i dun think i was bein depressed to begin with.jus thoughtful and quiet.and not makin as much noise cos i realised when one doesnt talk much..one observes more and learns more.
steph craptaculated at
9:05:00 PM
dunno wads with today.not that its anythin bad.but i guess i really learnt alot today.guess there are still alot of things for me to learn.dunno la.talked to dennis and adel abt religion today.really those serious conversations and not those funny laughy laughy conversations.really got me thinking.and then jus now was havin dinner at my grandma's place.den was talkin to my uncle.and it got me thinkin again.talked abt my bro.abt how protective i am.abt how im leading his life.abt how i shld learn to let go.i guess it really shows e way i am.it really got me thinkin abt my life.abt how i treat ppl.abt how i react to situations.i guess im really still naive and ignorant abt alot of things in life.still a 'small kid' as someone out there calls me.=) yeah.he went on talkin abt social life.abt so many things i dunno how to put it down in words.maybe i am too gullible and i trust ppl too easily.but i feel that i shld give pple e benefit of the doubt.he post me this question..that if one day i had a choice..to break my own rice bowl or to break someone else's one and ensure my survival and ensure my family's survival..whose will i break? i jus told him i dunno.cos i noe eventually if i choose to break someone else's one..i wont noe how to live with it.cant get over my conscience.ill feel so bad.really bad.i need to survive..so does the person whoever it is.sigh really got me thinking alot.really alot.dunno la.i guess also partly im in that mood now.pms la.sigh.yea and econs today was really not here not there la.dunno la.maths on thurs.tml chinese.sigh.cldnt concentrate today.was tryin to do maths and even dennis was sayin that im not concentrating today.sigh.dunno la.oh well.i think i shld go study.i cant wait till after promos.really cant wait.
steph craptaculated at
8:09:00 PM
Monday, October 06, 2003
hist sucks la.sigh sigh sigh.i better pray hard.really hard.n i think im gonna screw econs tml.sigh.wish me luck.
steph craptaculated at
8:50:00 PM
Sunday, October 05, 2003
argh.promos is tml.argh argh argh.screw.stress.bleh lala.no i shall not be stressed.i shall not let myself be panicky.i shall tell myself i can do it..bleh.wish me luck ppl..gonna need all the luck i can get.bleh
steph craptaculated at
9:32:00 PM
Friday, October 03, 2003
broke down again today.sheesh sigh.i think i gave jiang a fright when i started cryin in front of him.heh sorry jiang=) and lao pa..its not tt i didnt wanna tell or dun trust u but i jus didnt wan u to worry abt me..so dun get the wrong idea k? =)hugs.yea went to look for jem.den i guess i jus brawled my heart out.sigh mind block.im damn stressed la.but i guess after brawlin and crying my heart out..i feel much better now=) yea.promos in 2 days time.im gonna slp now n wake up early tml la.i hope i can do it.sigh good luck ppl.wish me luck too.
steph craptaculated at
10:50:00 PM
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
wheee! i really really really enjoyed myself today.i guess all tt studyin n stress i've been facing went away cos of lunch today.sigh but minzy wasnt there.fever.poor girl.we missed her durin lunch.sigh oh well.but yea me, lao pa, gary, dennis, jiang, sean ,kenneth, anhong, trina, yihan, desmond, alan, philene, matilda, halima, aaron, nicole, cheryl, zijie went..andrew came along after tt also.yea damn fun!! hahah.my table had des alan me flea jiang anhong sean gary dennis n lao pa..=) grins.played zhong ji mi ma.heheh cant describe the feelin i had.=) grins.we went to dan ryans..where glenn sebast n bernie brought me to for my bdae=) heh.yupyup.tt place is really becomin a damn memorable place for me.=) grins.yea but im really had fun la.i mean amidst the fun we actually did work..jeez.can u believe it.hahah =) but yea im goin to miss the seniors.i noe i said it a thousand and one times and everyone's gettin really sick of it.but im gonna miss them.sigh
haha.can u believe it.joe frm budak was frm cj.wahhaha damn cool=) jeez.nvr knew.and he's damn nice..=) grins.yup.i guess budak's really really nice ppl.=) lala.sunday 19th oct..esplanade concert hall..3pm to 345pm..watch budak..entry's free=) grins.im going!! yay!! hahah.
newae.i better go study.4 days more.and im feelin better le.=) promos..here i come=) grins.
steph craptaculated at
7:16:00 PM
